Fat guy discrimination

I work with a guy who smells like he was pieced together using old onions, feet and soured milk. Most of the time it's cool with me. If people want to smell, that's their thing. He's a cool guy and it's a free country. Stink away, my friend, stink away!

I just hate when I have to work in close proximity to him and people pass by us. I get funny looks from these people sometimes. They aren't the inside jokey "that guy you're working with smells but he doesn't know it but we both totally do!" looks. They're more like the "you're a bigger guy and therefore I'm going to assume this horrible smell is coming from you because fat people have poor hygiene and I hate you" looks. It's so unfair. I feel oppressed. Do you have any idea how it feels to apparently look like you smell? It doesn't matter what it is. If there's a bad smell and I'm near it, it seems like people automatically assume it's me. I could be standing next to a skunk and people would be like, "Jesus! That fat guy over there smells like a skunk!"

I was thinking about this the other night as I waited in a fast food drive-thru line. I was thinking about how sometimes it's funny to be fat, but most of the time it seems like people unfairly discriminate against us. I was thinking about some sort of awesome plus-sized revolt against society and how George Wendt could be like our patron saint or something. Jared from Subway would be tried for treason and properly dealt with. How amazing it would all be.

Then I dropped my debit card and it went under my passenger seat. While feeling around for it I found an opened bag of pizza-flavored combos I bought a couple nights before and had forgotten about. Needless to say, I was excited. "Fuckin' awesome...combos!" I probably actually said aloud. So I ate a few. They were a little stale, but still packed with that pretzel-y, pizza-y goodness that combos are know for. Then it hit me: I was eating stale, old food I found on the floor while I was waiting in line for more food. Maybe the discrimination was justified.

But I'd do it again in a labored heartbeat! (Get it? Because of the clogged arteries?)

Edit: They are combos! Wtf are kudos then? Thanks to thinkinfyou for pointing out my blunder (and for being sexy. *wink*)