Sunday, February 7, 2010

Things I learned from the super bowl

1. The media is dumb. Good job, Saints, though. I'm glad you won the Super Bowl. Not so much for you, but for your fans and native New Orleansers(?). You know, 'cause nothing takes away the crushing devastation of losing your home and all your belongings like your hometown team winning a Super Bowl five years after the fact. Way to go, media. And I'm sure as the Haitians crawl out from the rubble, their first thought will be, "I wonder if Pierre Garcon caught a td?" Well he did, Haiti. Sleep easy tonight. It's just football. It's not going to change the world.

2. Tim Tebow disappoints me. I thought this anti-abortion commercial was supposed to be controversial. If I hadn't looked for it, I wouldn't have known what it was for. It was basically, "I'm glad I didn't abort you, Timmy." "Me too, Mom!" Lame. I wonder why she was considering aborting him. Maybe Alabama's defense raped her, too.

3. Betty White and Abe Vigoda in the same commercial? Whaaat? Has somebody been reading my diary?

4. Drew Brees' birthmark went 15-18 for 147 yards and a td.

5. My mom saw the 60 minutes special about Samoans in the NFL, but apparently didn't pay too much attention to the details. She asked me about 15 times, "is he Samoan? He has long hair." She's so going to a home soon.

6. Sean Payton must have kept the "not being able to score from the 1" page from the Dallas playbook when he left.

7. Megan Fox in a bubble bath could sell strobe lights at an epilepsy convention. Well, maybe not because I can't remember what her commercial was for. I just remember that it was great. And that's all that really matters.

8. And finally, I make possibly the worlds greatest guacamole. It's an honor in the avocado world to sacrifice themselves for my guacamole.

All in all, a pretty entertaining super bowl. I imagine Manning will be back before his career is over. He'll be up for the next three months watching film and wiping sweat off his gigantic forehead.

The e-trade babies disappointed me, but Tim Tebow is just thankful they're around to be on tv.

"To hell with this game, Peyton! Just hold me!"